I still love you Fred
by TheFremioneGirl
Summary: Hermione's grief over Fred and George's. Can they find some comfort in each other?
1. After the war

I do not own harry potter or any places or characters involved.

Enjoy!

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><p>I sit on my bed not knowing what to do. Tears flow freely on my cheeks and my eyes are red and puffy. It's been 2 days since he passed away and I still haven't been outside this room.<p>

I don't eat. Cry myself to sleep every night. Stay in my battle clothes. It's as if I'm not living anymore. A gently knock on the door and I go under the covers so no one will talk to me. But whoever is there still comes in and sits on the bed. I turn around to find George looking grim and lifeless.

"'Mione, he wouldn't want that." He whispers

"I know" I manage to say "but I don't know what I should do. I'm lost George."

"One thing you shouldn't do I stay lifeless. You haven't eaten anything in 2 days. You look pale and too skinny. Come downstairs."

"I can't."

With that he stands up and takes my hand.

"'Mione, he loved you like he'd never loved anyone. I know you feel like there will be no tomorrow since he's gone. But listen, Fred wouldn't want you to sit on a bed all day crying yourself to sleep. Come back to life. For Fred at least."

"I'm sorry George. I want to stand up and go about as usual, but today's not the day. I'm also sorry because you were his second half and you still try and stay alive. It just seems like I can't do that."

"Okay 'Mione." George said "I'll come back tomorrow."

So that night, I cried myself to sleep. Not because Fred had gone, but because George would have to live without being whole. And that wrenched my heart.

I wake up to the smell of waffles and as I open my eyes, I see George next to me. He offers one and I take it. But just after one bite, I rush to the bathroom to get it out again. George sat on the bed and put his face in his hands as salted pearls rolled down his cheeks.

"Tell me George, what's it like to wake up in the morning now?" I ask timidly

"It's hard. Before I wake up, I think about Fred, and all our times together and that makes waking up easier because I can still imagine he's there. But when I do wake up, I realise it will never be true, that he will never be there again.

The hardest is talking and looking in mirrors because I hear and see him. He's gone, and I feel like I should be gone too. But that's not how it works."

Now tears are streaming down my face. I can't help it, and I finally realise that George has a much harder time than me. So I make a promise to get up next morning and try and live. That's the least I can do for Fred. George and I spend the day talking about Fred and the good moments we spent with him. It helps me say goodbye to him, because I never got a chance to.

"It'll be in a week. Hermione, please be there. For him, and it'll help you let go and help you say goodbye properly." George says.

Then, the night comes and George leaves, and I'm left with my sorrow again. So once again, I cry without stopping, until the sorrow is too much and I go to sleep. Sleep is the best part of the day, I get to see Fred again, smiling and laughing and the whole Weasley family is happy. But dreams don't often come true, and this one most certainly won't.

In the morning, I can't do it. I just stay in bed and lock my door so no one can come in. It still too hard and I can't do it. But I promise myself that I will wake up the next day. But the next day comes and I still don't come out of the room. Fred. He was a true Gryffindor, and here I am cowering in my room. So tomorrow is the day I'll get out.

Tomorrow comes so I wake up and remember all the times with Fred. For once, I manage a weak smile instead of heavy flowing tears. So I get out of bed and open the door to the corridor. The Weasleys must all be awake because I can hear bustling downstairs. I take my courage in two hands and make my way down. It seems like ages until I get to the bottom. And when I do I am engulfed in a rib breaking hug. And there is Fred, no George. George is there with a slight smile playing on his lips.

"Thank you 'Mione. For getting stronger for him. Try and stay alive for him, and for me."

For once, I don't need to force a smile on my face, it comes naturally.

I slowly walk to the kitchen, but hesitate at the door. What if they don't want me there anymore? What if they're mad at me for locking myself up? George comes behind me and takes me by the hand like Fred had done so many times.

When I appear Mrs Weasley comes and takes care of me. She tries to get me to eat as I must have lost some weight for the week of starvation. I bite in a toast and swallow. Nothing comes back up, so I help myself to a bit of food. Everyone is looking at me worriedly, and that's when I realise that I am crying. It's as if I never stop. But they're not tears of pain, grief or sorrow. They're tears of relief. I finish eating my toast and I feel completely full. I stay downstairs though, and listen to the Weasley family talking. It could have been almost the same, except that everyone looked tired and grief stricken. It wasn't the happy family that once was, but with time, it might become whole again.

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><p>I'll write another chapter for the funeral and for the life after the funeral.<p>

TheFanFicGirl


	2. The Funeral

New chapter, it's quite long, but I hope you like it :) Please R&R

~TheFanFicGirl

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><p>The black lace dress was so beautiful, it was floor length and elegant. It wasn't what I was used to but when I was in it, I felt special. It needed to be special for Fred; he was special to me, so I needed something special for his funeral. It was going to be hard but he would want me to be strong, like a true Gryffindor. As I slipped on the dress and put on my shoes I saw my reflection in the mirror. The dress hugged my hips and I'd gained more weight since the last time I'd locked myself up in this room. My face was pale but still had some life; I decided to not wear make-up as I still wanted it to look natural. Anyway, everything would get smudged with the never stopping flow of tears that appeared on my face.<p>

I went downstairs to find the Weasley home draped in black. Somehow, it didn't feel like Fred's funeral, he would have wanted something other than black. I looked around to find all the Weasleys and Harry. Wait, no. George was missing. Without getting noticed I slipped upstairs to the very top where the twins' room was. I knocked quietly on the door, but no one answered. I knocked a bit louder, but still no answer, so I turned the door knob and peered in. On the bed sat George; his face in his hands and his whole body was trembling as he sobbed. The simple sight brought tears to my eyes. As I stood in the doorway, silent tears flowed freely down my pale cheeks but I didn't move.

I had spent nights with George and I knew that this wasn't a moment he would want me to see. He tried to appear strong when he was there for me, but I could see past his eyes. I could see how weak he was, and I had noticed that as the funeral approached he ate less and less. The previous day, he had gone straight to bed without taking a bite of food. After I'd taken a mouthful, I'd followed him upstairs, and together we talked our way through the night until exhaustion and tears made us go to sleep. I'd woken up before him, so I'd made my way back to Percy's room where I was staying.

Right now, looking at him, I felt such an unbearable pain in my chest that my knees buckled and I fell to the floor. I landed with a soft thud and George looked up to find me sinking to the floor with my head in my hands. He took me into his arms and together we sobbed until Ginny came and found us in the doorway. So we made our way downstairs and as George saw all the black, he waved his wand and added orange streaks on the fabrics.

As I suspected, George made his way, not to the kitchen where everyone was gathered, but in the living room where Fred's body laid peacefully on a white bed. If you didn't know Fred, you would say he was asleep, but I did, and Fred would never sleep so peacefully. George took Fred's hand, and that's when I left. I understood that George would want to be alone with Fred for some time so I made my way to the kitchen soundlessly.

Time seemed to be crawling by as more and more people dropped by to leave something, or pay their respect. But still George did not come back. After about an hour or so Mrs Weasley asked me to go in and see George. So I did.

There laid George on the floor, asleep and his head seemed to be lying in a puddle of tears. The sight was heart wrenching. I wasn't aware of the tears or of the people who were there until I saw Fleur hand me a handkerchief and notice Bill rising George and getting him to sit. One by one, people went to kiss Fred's cheek or pat his hand. When my turn came, I couldn't move. I was frozen and I couldn't seem to breathe correctly. I tried taking in air but it didn't seem to go into my lungs. But George took me by the elbow and I watched as he gave Fred and hug. So I bent down and kissed him good bye on the cheek, a single tear dropping onto his lips. What struck me was how cold he was, yet how the small smile on his pale face, seemed to give him some warmth. I pulled back and I let George guide me back to my seat. Kingsley levitated the body into the coffin and the Weasley boys carried it to the backyard. Mr and Mrs Weasley followed behind and I could hear Mrs Weasley's sobs as Ginny and I fell in step behind them.

What shocked me was the tearless face Ginny was wearing, and she had such a beautiful black dress dotted with gold sparkles. This was how Fred would have wanted her to be, and she was trying really hard to make Fred proud. The backyard had been transformed and gold chairs were laid out under a huge tent. The coffin was put down on a red table and Kingsley gave the entry speech.

"I wish I was here today, not to mourn for Fred Weasley, but to celebrate the downfall of Voldemort. He didn't deserve to die at such a young age. He was a prankster, a true Gryffindor, a friend, a brother, a son, a partner and a twin. No one could have imagined the legendary Fred Weasley dying during this battle. To Fred Weasley, the legendary Hogwarts Prankster.

If anyone wants to make a speech please come up now."

Professor McGonagall came up to say a few words, and then the Weasleys did. They all said a few words, not to us, but to Fred and it felt so right to have them speak to Fred. Mrs Weasley had to be escorted off as she broke down in sobs. When George came on with tears rolling down his cheeks, everyone looked up expectantly.

"Hey Gred. This is a crap funeral you know. There are no fireworks, and no pranking. No one is laughing and everyone is crying. Including me. And that is not a funeral for a prankster. So instead of the black tent, I'll make it red and gold." With a swish of his wand, the tent became gold and red. "There are so many things I didn't tell you Fred, but that I should have told you. Like how much I love you. I really do love you. You're my other half, and you knew everything about me. Now there is no one in this world who could possibly replace you. I'm sorry Fred, for letting you down, for not being strong, for crying, for not eating, for not being able to save you. Now it's too late, and it's my entire fault. If only I'd been there, I might have gone with you. It's all my fault." As he said it, he fell to his knees and cried even harder. I got up to help him get back to his seat. He held on to me as I helped him up and whispered in my ear. "Be stronger than me. Make Fred proud." So I went to give my speech.

"George, I couldn't have asked you to give a better speech. At least you finished your speech, and you are strong. Remember when you told me that it would help me say good bye to Fred? Well it's the same for you.

Fred was the best person I ever knew. He could tell when I was upset, happy and it was wonderful to have him by my side. During Bill and Fleur's wedding, he took me on a walk and went down on one knee" at that people gasped and I saw Harry, Ron, Molly and George look straight up at me "and asked me to marry him after the war. Of course, I said yes. Because for me, we would both survive the war. We had to survive the war. But now, I won't marry Fred Weasley, the man I will always love. I love you Fred. Always." At that point, my knees buckled and George came to take me back to my place.

Ginny's speech was the best. She talked about everything Fred had done and what he meant to everyone. It was moving and touching and at the end she said

"Fred wanted us to be strong, so I was the one to take over the family when everyone and everything seemed to be falling apart. I took control, then George came and the rest of the family started working normally again. But what people don't know is that, every day I stay strong for you, but at night, I remember his silly, cocky grin and cry myself to sleep." For a split second, I saw fear in Ginny's eyes. Fear, sadness and hopelessness was everywhere on her face. I saw Harry rush by her side as she fainted into his arms.

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><p><strong>AN **

Thanks to the people who reviewed! They make me really happy and it makes me want to continue, so thanks to ImagineDreamForever and SkyeElf. 3 Thanks to everyone who read and reads it. I would really appreciate it if you could Review so I know what to improve on. Thanks again everyone!

TheFanFicGirl


	3. Learning to let go

Sorry I haven't updated in so long. I really didn't know what to write :S But anyway, here it is, and I hope you enjoy it Thanks so much to the reviews, they were so nice and eep!

~TheFremioneGirl

Once the last prayers were said and the roses were laid, everyone went back inside. Everyone but me. I wanted to tell him goodbye more personally and intimately. So I kneeled by the gravestone and looked up at the writing. "_Here lies Fred Weasley. A prankster, son, brother and boyfriend. You will always be remembered. Mischief Managed." _It seemed so plain for Fred, Fred would have liked some fireworks shooting off in every direction, and some jokes here and there. I took a shaky breath and started talking. I didn't really know what I was saying, really, just mindless things about what it had been like after the war and how Harry defeated Voldemort. But it felt as if I was making small talk.

"You know Fred, I truly love you. I love you enough to try and move on. You wouldn't want me to be here grieving forever and not live my life. I'll try and move on, for you. Of course you would have wanted all of us to grieve for you, because you were so bloody fantastic, and the handsomer twin." I chuckled a bit. "But you wouldn't want us to not do anything with our lives. I promise to you, I'll stay lively. I'll do it for you, for us. I promise…"

With that final phrase, I roused and a single tear escaped from my eye. Taking my wand out, I sent out some sparks, and then pointed my wand at the tombstone. The spell I placed on the grave was the first trick Fred had taught me, it made the grave send up a small firework every time anyone came within a five metre radius of the grave. It felt right. It felt as if the fireworks belonged there.

Slowly, I made my way back to the Burrow and when I opened the door, the sight slightly took me aback. Everyone was smiling at something, something I couldn't see yet, but once I was in the house, I could see it clearly. I smiled despite myself and saw a portrait of none other than Fred Weasley. He was there, talking to everyone and making everyone laugh. However, when he saw me he stopped in the middle of his sentence and stood there, looking awestruck. I smiled and walked over to Fred.

"Well hello there, stranger." he said calmly

"Hey Fred." I replied, upset to hear a small sadness in my voice

"Thank you, Hermione." was the first thing he said, I frowned. "Thank you for coming back to the family. I want you to know, there's something in your room waiting for you."

I had to fight the desire to go and look at what it was and simply replied "It's not me you should thank, it's George. He's the one who made me come back to life. I love you Fred, I'll always love you."

"I know, darling. But remember, life goes on, and you with it. Do one thing for me, love, fall in love again."

I completely lost it. How could I fall in love again? All I wanted right now was for him to hold me in his arms and tell me it was just a nightmare. All I wanted was for me to wake up and find myself next to Fred.

"I'm sorry, Fred." was all I could manage before I left for my room.

Once I reached Percy's room, I collapsed on the bed and let the tears drag me down into a dreamless sleep. I woke up at two in the morning and looked around me. Someone had tucked me into bed, but I was still in my dress. Silently, I slipped out of the bed, went into the bathroom, took of the delicate dress and put on some pyjama bottoms and an oversized shirt. I was going to go back to bed when I something caught my eye. It was a new painting, but I couldn't see who it was in the darkness, so I walked over to it. When I finally saw who it was, a small, sad smile crept shyly onto my face. It was Fred, of course it was. He smiled giddily as he saw me.

"I understand Hermione. It's hard. It'll be hard for me too. But I know that you'll be happy."

"Oh Fred! I miss you so much! There are so many things I need to say to you. I love you is one of them. How can I love someone else when I'm in love with you? There is no one else like you!" I answer through the tears.

"There will be, darling. I'm not asking you to find someone now, I'm just asking you not to spend the rest of your life alone. You don't deserve that."

I reach my hand out to him and touch the painting. After a few minutes of standing there, I go to my nightstand and take my wand. After whispering an incantation, I transfigure the shelf into a comfy loveseat and a fleece. I curl up into it and cover myself with the warm fleece.

"How was it Fred?" is the first question I ask

"Dying? It was fine. It didn't hurt at least. I just felt a bang on the head, and I zoned out. Well, it felt as if I'd zoned out, but I was kinda dead by that point."

"Of course you have to go and make your death funny." I say with a small chuckle. Oh how I miss him!

"Whatever to make you smile again sweetheart." he sighs

"Oh Fred! I'm so sorry! I didn't do you justice at all! I let you down, I locked myself in a room, I shut myself away from others. It's not what you would have wanted. You would have wanted me to stay strong for the rest of the family."

"Shh, 'Mione, it's fine now. You'll be fine. I understand, of course I do. What would I have done if you had been the one to get knocked down by a wall? But now you can continue with your life. Just remember, if you ever need to talk to someone, I'll be here waiting for you."

"Thank you Fred. For everything. Thank you for making me so happy those last few years. Thank you for teaching me so many things. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for…thank you for being here for me."

And we talked all night long of our time together, of all the adventures and of all the memories. It felt so good. When the dawn shown through the windows, I fell asleep, curled up in the loveseat with the man I loved looking down at my sleeping form.

"Hermione…Hermione…" the gentle voice was whispering in my ear and I woke up from a dream filled with Fred. I jumped back at the sight of the red-head. Fred?! It couldn't be! Then I noticed the missing ear and the blue eyes which weren't as deep. No, of course it wasn't Fred. It couldn't be… He was dead.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you." George said, with a small smile on his face

"It's fine, don't worry. What time is it, George?" I said, realising that the sun was high up in the sky and the house was full of noise.

"Don't worry, it's not that late, just three in the afternoon." he joked. He joked? George was joking!

I didn't even bother telling him I should have woken up five hours ago, I leaped into his arm and hugged him. George was joking!

"Hello to you too, Hermione, nice to know you're still alive. You do realise I'm not Fred, right?"

"Of course I realise, smart bum, but that doesn't mean I can't hug you! You joked George. You even joked more than once!" I was beaming.

It had been so long since I'd felt this alive, this happy? Yes, happy, I'd said goodbye yesterday, and I was ready to go on with my life.

"Can I go have breakfast? Or do you think it's too late?" I ask

"Well, I think it should be fine. Glad you're feeling hungry! Shall we go then?"

"Um, I'll join you in ten minutes, there's something I need to do."

"Sure, take all the time you need. Well, no longer than half an hour."

I smile and he leaves the room, shutting the door behind him."

"Thank you Fred." I say as I turn towards the painting.

The look on Fred's face was amazing. There was pride, happiness, joy and glee.

"No thank you. Thank you for smiling." he said softly and then he left the painting.

I went to my wardrobe and chose the clothes with the most colours on. I had some light orange jeans on with a green top and some green ballet flats. My hair was up in a bun. Finally, I felt as if I was remembering Fred the way he ought to have been remembered.

With those thoughts in my head, I headed downstairs for breakfast.

Thank you for everyone's support! :D

~TheFremioneGirl


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